Friday, January 19, 2007

B-Road Rules!! (Ok, just guidelines)

I had the opportunity to drive a car on Bangalore roads after a long break. Here are some advices, I doled out to all and sundry, in that surreal, half-hour experience:
  • Dear Mr.Hep Hariharan – That painted line on the road is not something meant to bisect your car in two halves, with amazing precision and stillness, with your wheels straddling on either side. That one divides the road into lanes.
  • Dear Mrs. Crouching Kamakshi (no Hidden Dragons) – Clutching the wheels, with an intense wo-maniacal look fixed at the bonnet and going at pace that has cycles overtaking you, is NOT the concept of safe-driving.
  • Dear Mr. Made-IT Madhavan – Glad you are going places in your job, do you have to do that on the roads too ? Remember, you have graduated to a car ? It is NOT a four-wheeled bike...
  • Dear Shri. Cleaner Kannan – If you insist that the truck would be on the right lane, why do you still flap your hands out of the left window? If you want to fly, should you not have clearance above your head?
  • Dear PYTty Pamela – Do you really have to be mobile and mobile stuck between your ears and your shoulder? “தலை சாaithu பார்த்தாயே, தடுமாறி போnaene” and had to screech to a AVOID the drifting you.
  • Dear Shri Auto Anna, are you fine saar? You are on the wrong side of the road and wrong direction on an one-way… But, please go ahead saar, I'll wait. Ella ok, rules yaake?
  • Dear 20-something Horny Harry – That 17-something on the pillion, that you are wearing as the shirt, may be the engine that’s spurs you greater heights and faster speeds; May I suggest that you perhaps ride, taking your eyes off the (adjusted) rear-view mirror? Its scary!!!
  • Dear Shri. Nervous Narayanan – Thank you for your presence – we are honoured!!! Can you please stop honking? NOW ??
  • Dear Shri Bus Basavaraju – I agree… Neevae Doddavaru. Please, swalpa down nodutheera? That speck that you look down on is a car. Swalpa brake saar... SAAAAR !!
  • Dear Edgy Engeetham – Like your niece says, Chill. Simply, drive maadi, stress yaake?
I reach my work in one piece, navigating 10km ride in about 45m, really relaxed and mentally refreshed, all set to take on work and on the world. Well, another ride, another chaos, another jam, another cacophony, struggling policeman, another pothole ... All's normal. Perfect driving conditions in Bengalooru.


The Soliloquist said...

Good Post!!..

"Dear PYTty Pamela – Do you really have to be mobile and mobile stuck between your ears and your shoulder? “தலை சாaithu பார்த்தாயே, தடுமாறி போnaene” and had to screech to a avoid the drifting you"

Liked this one... I once saw a guy in the railway station holding his head in the same slanting position even after he stopped talkin over the mobile... Guess that ad that came sometime back showing the posture change wasnt really an exaggeration...

"Dear Shri Bus Basavaraju – I agree… Neevae Doddavaru"...

True , true, Buses , especially BMTC, really intimidate one with their sheer size... Reminds me of a folk tale where a dwarf became a mahout to overcome his inferiority complex... :-)

AV said...

yella ok, what about drivers of large cars who drive as if they own the road?

Srinivasan said...

This and the Hers and Hiss articles are both excellently written, with humour. One question I have though - with this much display of written humour, how come you don't use that talent in diffusing tensions in staff meetings?:-)

EnGeetham aka "My Song!" said...

4Sol: Tks. The form staying in the used state, much after their use, is also true with ambassador drivers and vespa scooter riders :)

4AV: mea culpa, i drive one... but you perhaps know that already.

4Srinivasan: Thanks. I do - used to be 'joker' before. Now, we have new talent :) ;)

ckm said...

I'm sure I would have been a Crouching Kamakshi if I'd learnt to drive! Hey, nice piece, man! ... My husband, who learnt to drive when he was nine, has always raved over the pleasures of driving to me, but to no effect.

EnGeetham aka "My Song!" said...

4ckm: Thanks, keep coming back.